That Pantless Life

Relationship Testing Experiment

I had a bit of writer’s block. I just have too many things I wanted to share, but I figure I’d stick to the treasure of a relationship, so this is a prequel story to the bedsheets break-up. This relationship was one of those special gems, as you will continue to find out.

Shortly before this relationship ended in breaking up over bedsheets, we went on a short-haul trip. I was really excited for this trip. It was the first trip for us as a couple and a real test to the relationship. We visited three different cities and during our last stop, we stayed in a hotel. It was a brand new fresh hotel room.

We got this fresh hotel room and the guy tells me he needs to “do his business”, his “number two”. Fine. So after he does the deed, I go to the washroom and here is a re-enactment picture of what I see:

The hand soap was unopened! And in my particular situation, the soap was unopened and it was still in its clear plastic wrap! I wash my own hands, pop my head out and say, “Excuse me, did you not wash your hands?”. And to that, he got embarrassed and said he forgot! He goes back into the washroom to wash his hands.

How can he forget? How does one forget to wash their hands after doing their business and stinking up the entire place? This should be an established daily habit that is reenforced over a lifetime of hand washing after taking a shit! This should be innate. I just couldn’t get over it. It’s like finding a cockroach in a restaurant, but arguably much worst. But obviously, we didn’t break-up over that because I already told you that we broke up over bedsheets.

We are now home after our trip, and I start contemplating how often this guy actually fails to wash his hands. I decided to conduct an experiment. Even though I have a perfectly good hand soap pump at home, I go to the store to buy a brand new hand soap that is sealed and has to be unsealed before its first use. It’s the kind where you need to twist it a few times to unseal it. I store this brand new liquid hand soap bottle away, and when my boyfriend came over, I’d switch out the existing soap bottle with the brand new one. I was going to see whether he ever washed his hands.

He was coming over for the weekend. Perfect opportunity! I switched out the hand soap bottle. And of course when I had to wash my hands, I’d use the used one hidden underneath the sink. Evening time, and it’s still unsealed… maybe he didn’t need to go and I wasn’t fully keeping track but I expected by morning I would have my answer.

Morning time comes around, and he needs to go do his business. He does his business and then proceeds to take a shower. I go check on my brand new soap bottle and see that it is still sealed! I asked if he washed his hand and he hasn’t caught on to my experiment yet, but he said he did a full wash in the shower. Does that count as washing hands? It’s certainly better than not washing hands, but still gross. Imagine all the things he must have unnecessarily touched with his shit hands, like for example, the shower curtains. But it wasn’t enough for me to nail him red-handed again.

He stayed over on another weekend where I again do the switch-up and the same thing happens! By then, I’ve concluded that this guy never washes his hands with soap! How? What? Why? I start to question everything. Does he know how to bathe himself? What if he was doing that wrong too? What if he’s not using soap either? Thinking back, when I first showered at his place, he didn’t have real soap. He had an old soap bottle filled with soapy water. I realized that the shower gel at his place was purchased by me! Holy shit, and that’s when I realized that there’s a good possibility that my boyfriend does not use soap!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *